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Channel: The Chestnuthill Institute -- Mira Kirshenbaum -- Dr. Charles Foster
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Bad boys, mean girls

I must be a fool to stick my uninvited nose into an argument in which a lot of people have said a lot of stupid and mean things, but I hate stupidity and I hate people being mean.  And I hate rape....

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Bad boys, mean girls, Part 2

I can’t believe I’m tackling this topic again.  I do realize that the whack-a-mole approach to fighting stupidity is, well, stupid (because, of course, you have to fight the culture of stupidity, not...

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Why would someone ever cheat on you?

How understanding why people cheat can help you heal your marriage Why do people cheat on their partners?  The easy answer is that it’s because they’re bad people.  Well, sometimes.  But most of us...

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The intimacy we search for

Most of us long for, search for intimacy.  That wonderful feeling of being close with someone, of feeling seen and cherished all at the same time.  The feeling that this is a special place, one that...

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How to tell when you really need help

All couples have problems. But how can you tell when those problems are just the normal stuff we all manage to live with, and when they’re signs of trouble? We’ve learned something very important over...

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Understanding your real infidelity risks

How many people do you know who are cheating on their partners right now?  Probably not many.  And that leads many of us to underestimate the true risk of your relationship being affected by an affair....

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End fights about where to spend the holidays

For many families, the holidays bring the same battle every year: no one can agree on where to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any of the holidays.  You like my mother, but my father always gets...

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Essential tips for having a happy T-day

It’s not about the turkey.  It’s a day for thanks.  It’s a day for giving.  It’s a day for loving the people who matter to us.  At least it should be.  But too often Thanksgiving is a day marred –...

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Happy Shopsgiving Day!

I know: Thanksgiving is for family and friends and love and giving thanks.  Hey, I just wrote a blog post about how to have a happy, loving Thanksgiving day.  But let’s be honest.  One way or another,...

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Meet these three needs and you’ll have a long and happy marriage

This came up in a session with someone who was trying to make a new relationship work, after his previous marriage had fallen apart.  He wanted to know how to prevent the problems that had been his...

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So THAT’S why people have affairs…

Oh, what a tangled web we weave . . .   Of course I’m talking about affairs.  Soooo complicated: why we have them, what they mean.  Well, what do they mean? The naïve answer is: sex.  This can seem...

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The good marriage, Part 1

We just came back from a trip to the West Coast, and by chance the topic came up of how many people any of us know who actually have happy marriages.  Answer: NOT MANY! We’ve spend our whole personal...

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The good marriage, Part 2

In the previous post, we began talking about what makes for a good marriage.  But the problem with what so many smart people come up with as answers to this question is that sometimes these...

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“I wish you’d told me!!”

Just saw this really interesting piece in a British site.  What advice would you give your 14-year old self?  And while we’re at it, what advice would you give yourself 14 days before you committed to...

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The good marriage, Part 3

Last time we started looking at bad advice about how to have a good marriage.  Here’s another one: “Happy couples are friends first.”  Now there is an important germ of truth in this.  It’s a fact...

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How to have the happiest holiday ever!

Less stress, more joy: how’s that for an idea? Is it too late for this incredible advice I’m passing on to you?  No!  But you have to heed it!  There are two kinds of people. There are those who...

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New Year’s resolutions you will KEEP

Making sure you keep your resolutions this year  I know what you’re thinking.  Here comes another new year, and there are those things you don’t like about yourself or your life (and who wants to think...

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The good marriage, Part 4

…and here we go again, trying so sort out stupid and unhelpful things people say about how to have a good marriage and what a good marriage is from things that might actually be helpful.  Last time, we...

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New nonsense about why people cheat

If you wanted a compendium of bad analysis about why people cheat and bad advice for how to avoid cheating, this is hard to beat, even though it quotes people you’d think would know better.  First of...

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Emotional energy: always a vital topic

Here we go again: another blog post “ripped from the headlines”!  This time I offer the raw interview from a very reputable health mag with an international circulation.  The topic is the...

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