In the whole history of bullshit, few notions reek of bullshit more than the notion that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. It is worse than false; it is nonsense. And it is worse than nonsense; it is destructive.
Before we take apart this monstrosity, let’s look at it’s destructive potential. Take someone whose life at the moment is at a low ebb. She is discouraged and for a while hasn’t been feeling good about herself. Relationships haven’t worked out. She is not feeling very lovable at the moment. Part of it is depression, and part of it is her inward reflection of how she thinks others think about her: “if other people don’t like me I must not be likeable.”
And then some Helpful Harry tells her that (more…)