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Channel: The Chestnuthill Institute -- Mira Kirshenbaum -- Dr. Charles Foster
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You only loved the dream child

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We first ran this piece almost twenty years ago, and we’re still asked about it.  Time for a re-run.  And this time, a bit of a re-write too. 

 

         Love is not enough.  Not in marriage.  Not in parenting.  Not even in caring for your dopey ol’ dog. 

         Love itself is your feelings.  Your intentions.  Sadly, as everyone in every kind of relationship knows, your knowing you love the other person is a very different thing from the other person actually feeling loved by you. 

         Couples end up in therapy not because they didn’t love each other enough.  They end up in therapy because they didn’t know how to make the other person feel loved enough. 

         Our children, maybe one day as grownups, may end up in therapy, and they probably won’t say they don’t think you thought you loved them.  They’ll talk about the heartbreaking sense they had that all that love just didn’t get through. 

         And for love to get through, intentions alone won’t cut it.  You need a map. 

         Imagine one Friday evening you call up Luigi’s and order a nice big pizza pie.  Now Luigi is a passionate pizzatrician.  A titan of toppings.  He can get a world-class pizza into the box.  The only problem is (more…)


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